Am I happy with the person I am?
The end of the year is near and we must all (should all) do a little check-in with ourselves. I try to do this not just yearly when everyone else is making their lists but also on a shorter and more often timeline. I Liliana Velásquez M. am now 42 years old and I did not expect to be where I am. Never in my wildest dreams would I be living in Germany and succeeding as a performer. I have definitely lived an exciting life so far. In my youth, I dreamed of being a Broadway star! A triple threat. I feel like I have accomplished what it takes and then some extra threats. My path has been rocky at times but mostly because I took risks. The adventurous spirit and invincible mentality of youth lead me to NYC. I walked down those streets in my twenties still believing that one day I would be married to a man maybe have my career and children to raise… The children were very far back in my mind. Not one of my goals but something that felt like well it happens to the best of them… almost like catching a cold. But I must have been vaccinated against children because let me tell you pregnancy is not something my body is good at! more often then none I have taken the morning after pill or done rails of cocaine (cheaper than the pill for me) to make sure I was not pregnant… Turns out I could have saved time money and the bad company had I known how impregnable my body is. I guess you live and learn. My previous partners now have children and wives. And I am living the same life I had in my 20’s but with better choices knowledge and company. I find myself guiding other artists and making the best out of this freedom. Now I am this magical 42 and out of a whim I ended up in Berlin. With love and support of a funny German man, that offered me, unconditional love! Something I had never witnessed before. Something that is difficult to understand. But it happened. He died this past year. It is still something difficult for me to believe. I talk to him daily and have his voice always in my head. He changed my life for what I would like to believe is better. As the government in the USA went downhill. I began a new life in Berlin the only part of Germany where you don’t need to speak German LOL, but you should still learn it, as I am learning now.
Am I happy with whom I have become? YES I represent the migrant life, I represent Women of Color, I represent freedom and femdom. Not many women have made and learned from these mistakes. I have tackled my demons and abusers I have overcome my own addictions and mental states of despair. I have learned to love my flaws and to encourage others to accept there is no NORMAL. Take that society’s pressure to fit in. There is no in or out, there is only is “to be or not to be”. And you and only you can decide what you want to be. Only you can ultimately make that person a reality. So ask yourself Am I happy with the person I have become? And remember there is almost always time to become the person you want. Lead by Example! Understand that we are fallible and pick up the pieces when they break sometimes broken is even more beautiful and strong! Find your tribe and don’t be afraid to speak your mind. Tact is something that I am still learning as my mind is strong and willful with a loud Latina tone! So if anything for 2020 my new goal is to be gentler in my delivery of NO (my favorite word) I will continue to ask for what I deserve, I will continue to grow in all directions mind body and soul, and I will continue to allow people opportunities and also cut them out of my circle if they overstep. My boundaries are clear to me and yes they fluctuate I pray to the Goddesses that surround me to give me strength and kindness. To allow me to stand up for myself and be forgiving. To let this NEW YEAR represent the best I have to offer. Happy New Year Beautiful Humans!
Am I happy with the person I am?