Cleaning your circle

2019 what a year! I turned 42, and I am still and living like I’m 24. Oh, Berlin, the land of Peter Pan People. I am concluding every year that balancing giving and receiving is a constant dance.  I lost my best friend unexpectedly this year.  He gave me unconditional love & support, changing my life direction when he invited me to live in Germany!  Wow, now I have been here for seven years, my whole life is here. I have a cat again!  We had a bargain,  pero te la cobro en la proxima! Through his generosity, I was able to build and grow within this misfit Berlin artist community.  What a whirlwind.  His support gave me the freedom to produce the shows I wanted to see.  To offer me a stage, not just any stage the whole city of Berlin.  Access to international talent, access to so many European cultures.  He always told me to watch my circles of energy.  To be careful and to replenish my energy.   Seeing me and knowing me since my NYC years.  This man seemed to understand my soul. I have overextended myself for people often. I am coming from a large Colombian family and the sense of community of circles that trade and help each other.  We idealize these moments as children the flow of large families.  As we move away and travel the world, we begin to place strangers into similar dynamics as the strangers become friends and friends become chosen families.   My family always said, “if there is food for one, there is food for two, and so on.” So sharing anything from food to clothes to stages and developing a circle. Somehow this is something that I do naturally and innately. I offer friendship thinking of what it is like to be the new person in a land.  The life of a traveler.  Some longer-term friends some short term friendships and I encourage people to be the best that they can be, to lead by example, take risks to jump on stage and be creative or to stay at home and be creative to learn something new, whatever way possible. I am grateful for the Male Female and D’Lo of the stand-Up world that guided & spoke to me with a mentoring tone.

Now I am 42. I often find myself to be the one with the mentoring tone, transparency in work ethic, and open door creative hostel. There are times I must repeatedly express my need for alone time.  Christoph taught me how to appreciate alone time.  He loved his alone time!  Alone to take off the mask to look past other people’s layered emotional costumes.  To keep what are my memories, my stories mine.  As often, you share a story on stage, and people talk to you as if they had been there in that story.  To breath into my moment and flow back into the infinite universe and become small and still significant. To remember that trust starts at 0 with each new stranger, and it can be built or lost, but not both at the same time.  To rely on the unique moments created day by day in the present. The NOW.  You can use my writing to get insight into me,  but only the now will develop into a long-lasting exchange that creates the balance in the dance.  The people we can argue with, then move away from and hug again upon seeing.   The friend that overstepped a boundary of yours unwittingly and was able to see past their sense of importance. Knowing how to communicate their intention and acceptance of your truth. And the ones that tell you when you are the asshole!

 
Freudian Slip Club
 

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